The Worst Shirt I've Ever Seen

Everything in the world is terrible and it's not even fun to point it out anymore. Social media is a wasteland of unending complaints, where slights, slams, digs, bitches, moans, jabs, and whines pile up and blow around like dunes. Like a desert, it's a slog and it stings your eyes.

Worst of all, dust is just dust. All the complaints are given equal weight (which is to say, no weight at all). There's no line between posts protesting America's growing authoritarianism or pointing out the criminal hypocrisy of our ruling classes and, like, post complaining about how gummy bears aren't as brightly colored any more or some shit. It sucks out there.

But my complaints are different. More important, and better observed. Like, take this shirt that was advertised to me on Facebook. How could I not complain about it?

Woof. How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

1. Loons do not perch in trees. Ever. Loons are water birds, with bodies specially evolved to maximize their swimming abilities. They can barely fly, and even more barely walk. They cannot land in or perch in trees. They just can't. A loon has never been in a tree on purpose.
   
   
2. Snowy Owls also very rarely perch in trees. There are no trees on the tundra where Snowy Owls live. They'll occasionally perch in trees when they come south in the winter (I've seen it happen!), but it's still very rare. They much prefer to hang out on the ground, or on a rooftop.
   
   
3. What the hell is that third thing. There just is not a bird that looks like that. It's a complete fabrication. Why did they do that.
   
   
4. Cardinals are not "Birds of the North Woods." Northern Cardinals are expanding northward, but they are definitely not north woods birds. They barely range into Canada at all. C'mon.
   
   
   
   
   
5. Cardinals have orange bills, not yellow bills.  I talk about this a lot. It's pissed me off forever. Northern Cardinals are nearly always presented in popular media as having yellow bills, but they simply do not have yellow bills. The bird in this image has, like, some kind of shadowed bill that's not as bright yellow as other representations, but it's still bad. Because I said so.

OK that's all for now. Be excellent to each other.